Are you open to feedback?

Delivered properly, feedback can help people identify their strengths and weaknesses, inspiring positive growth and change.

Most people don’t enjoy receiving feedback that contains both positive and negative remarks. It’s a natural response to focus on the beneficial aspects of ourselves, while disregarding or downplaying the less favorable traits. Criticism can be difficult to process, and research suggests that we often think harder about the conduct of other people than our own. Furthermore, Harvard Business School and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill research elucidated that when others disturb our self-perception, it can be problematic.

The Harvard Business School’s Paul Green and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill’s Brad Staats found that many people in business avoid and disconnect from people who provide them with critical feedback, even when the feedback is quality and can help them succeed. As well, people who see only their positive traits tend to strengthen their bonds with them.

Researchers Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone, who have studied this issue, have found that feedback strikes at the tension between two core human needs – the need to learn and grow, and the need to be accepted for who you are. Consequently, even a seemingly benign suggestion can lead to anger, anxiety, bad treatment, or a profound sense of threat sometimes.

As you can imagine, that’s not a good thing. Honest and quality feedback is essential to your success in the workplace. The good news is we can overcome feelings of fear, insecurity, and doubt to embrace the type of feedback that can help us reach higher levels of excellence. Here are a few ways to do that:

Develop and nurture relationships with those who are willing to provide you with tough feedback. If you don’t accept criticism well, it makes those closest to you reluctant to provide it, since many of us don’t accept it well. Make sure trusted friends and work associates know you want quality feedback on your leadership skills — both the good and the bad.

If you’re getting negative feedback, don’t simply dismiss it. People tend to automatically discount feedback from people they don’t particularly like or respect. Wherever the feedback originates, you’ll benefit from taking the time to consider it before dismissing it.

Get clarification. If someone tells you you’re too abrupt, for example, ask them for more details. In the absence of this, it’s easy to misinterpret the criticism (everyone on my team thinks I’m a jerk), when the message may have been simply that you were too short with your colleague.

Research shows that feedback is more likely to be accepted – and to be useful – when you ask for it rather than receiving unsolicited input. Make sure you’re asking for feedback regularly from those who are most likely to provide you with quality input to start with.